Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Random Offerings - Tuesday, June 14

I used all of my blogfodder yesterday; what was I thinking? ;)

So, I guess I'll think of something to *tell* instead of *show*.

Tip of the day: When making brownies, use oil or melted butter, not softened butter. I forgot and used softened; instead of fudgy brownies they were very much a cake. They are better this morning after sitting overnight... not that I would eat brownies for breakfast or anything. (wiping fingers on paper towel so as to get rid of evidence. ;)

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My family has been sick for the past couple of weeks, starting with Emily and drawing each of us in at some time time or another. My turn was yesterday. Stomach flu. Blah. 'Nough said.

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Tomorrow is my photography class. I've already turned in my assignments; I went with all that I showed you yesterday and chose the one of Jared w/o the tree branch growing out of his head.

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A few days ago, on the 10th, marked my 17 year anniversary of my separation from my ex-husband. At the time, I had a 3 1/2 year old Josh, a 1 1/2 year old Amber, and a 9 week old Jared. Times were tough. My mom was a great help. So were my friends. But nothing could have prepared me for the emotional rollercoaster that I was on.

The best thing I did to deal with that situation was to get a job and go back to school. Just to get away from thinking about it 24/7 was so important. I missed my kids like crazy, but I kept reminding myself every day that I was building a better life for us. The light at the end of the tunnel was a house with a swingset - we couldn't have a swing at our upscale mobile home/trailer park, but Josh loved to swing more than anything. "If some *@#% man wasn't going to make it possible for us, I'd make it possible for us" - perhaps my thinking was inflammatory, but our man had totally let us down in my estimation, and I wasn't going to trust my future to another man. (or so I thought at the time. I'm glad I found one I *could* trust with our future, but if not, I am certain I would have made it work myself; that's just who I am.)

So I went to work at KMart as a checker (working until close many nights, much to my babysitter's and my disliking) until I got a better job working at a daycare - better hours and better pay and started school with the plan of being an Elementary Ed teacher - "to be home when my children are" was my thought process.

And I dated. As often as I could. Dating was a lot different when I was a single mom. I wasn't into the whole "boyfriend" thing. I would date, spot potential problems and holler "next" - not really, just figuratively. I wouldn't spend time on someone I knew wouldn't have patience with my kids - mostly with Josh, he was kind of a hellion in a good/fun way, but he needed much patience.

And a year and a half later, "not a moment too soon, without a minute to spare", when I was giving up on ever finding a good man, Steve came along.

Finding someone didn't minimize the hurt I'd gone through, but it did ease it a bit.

At the time I met Steve, I was working on letting go of the angry feelings toward my ex. I had seen women so bitter toward their ex that it was like a canker in their soul. I didn't want to be that way. It is hard to feel betrayed by someone and not to get wrapped up in it to the point that it consumes you, but it is vital to fight against it, so I tried.

I don't know if it was having someone else that made me feel better, or if it was just that I had a different focus in my life. Whatever it was, I am glad that it all happened the way that it did.

And now that it is 17 years later, it is easier than it has ever been. Time heals all wounds... if you let it.

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Today, I had planned on taking engagement photos for Tino and Amber, then I had thought against it when I was sick yesterday.... Maybe later, if I am feeling as well as I think I am, we'll take some photos. Then I can share those with you tomorrow instead of more of my random thoughts. :)

'Til then,