Around the House

I have avoided "speaking" much on my blog as of late, because many of the voices in my head that are trying to get out are those of anger, fear, anxiety, and occasionally despair. I worry that what I will write will come out wrong and need to be defended, or perhaps it will be misunderstood altogether.

Things are not rosy at my house or in my mind. I am struggling with the idea that my brother Bill has stage 4 liver failure. He is struggling with it too. And neither of us - and the doctors aren't saying - are sure what it means to his life expectancy. We are looking for hope. We are seeking out a liver clinic that will take his insurance and provide us with information about whether he is a candidate for a liver transplant; I'll call a second clinic on Monday.

In the midst of all of the appointments and fear has come the Holiday Season. It has hit me recently that for 3 months out of the year we celebrate: family, home, friends, plenty, life, birth of Christ, excitement of Santa, wiping slates clean & starting again. A whirlwind of emotions come regularly with this season. Typically it has been fun, excitement, love, gratitude. This year, there are some others that are peppering it that are less fun, but just as real and present.

This year, I have missed my mom. She loved the holidays! Last year we went to her nursing home and ate Thanksgiving dinner with her. In every year since I got married at 19, I have invited my mom to Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner (barring the years that I lived out of state - all 6 of them) and Santa has always left her stocking here for her. When she couldn't visit at our home, we'd take dinners & gifts to her. It is a tradition that I'm sorely missing this year.

This year, as I was cooking and preparing, I remembered that the first Thanksgiving I cooked in my home (at 19) my brother Bill and my mom were there. (As a side note: I hated cooking it and for Christmas we ate individual breast of chicken, stove top stuffing, and instant mashed potatoes. It took me a full year to get over it and try again. :)

Anyway, those are a few of the thoughts tumbling around inside of my head.

I wasn't going to write them and give them a voice, but after reading my blog book that Steve made for me a few years ago and seeing how great a resource it is for my family as journaling our journey, it needed to be said.

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On a brighter note, I took some pics "around the house" last weekend that I haven't shared yet.

Last weekend it snowed while Aiden was here. When he woke up, we had him look out and see the snow. His reaction was exactly how I felt!!


Since it was cold and wet, I didn't want to go outside to take pics, instead I took pics of some things of interest inside the house :)

Thanksgiving decorations on top of a bookshelf in the living room:


Decorations on the other bookshelf in the living room. Most of the items here were gifts from friends and family:


As much as I complain about all of the projects that come with an older home, the arched doorways and other little things about this house really are so charming!



Today my sister & her husband and Steve & I are going to be working on the storage units that still house my mom's "stuff": various household items, pictures, and other memorabilia that she collected or saved and kept for us.

UPDATE: The one storage unit got completely cleaned out!! Yay for us! :)

I hope that you enjoy your weekend :)