Enlightenment

A interesting question came to mind this morning: Do you pay as much attention to your successes as you do your failures?

The answer was no.

I was meditating in the wilderness when the enlightenment came. Okay, I was really playing spider solitair, but same dif. ;-)

As the little cards went fluttering away and I'd finished a column (success!!), instead of watching the little cards float away and gloating in my accomplishment my attention was turned instead to the undone columns. I quickly disregarded my success and instead looked for the next thing I needed to do to not fail. That was the moment that the question came.

I have been battling depression for the past several weeks; actually, I could pinpoint the day it started: it was the Wednesday before Josh's wedding. That was the day that I asked for your prayers on my mom's behalf.

This isn't just a surface sadness, but goes right to core of my soul. It has been getting worse as my reserves are being used up daily.

Steve has prayed with me and for me several times. Yesterday he gave me a blessing - a special prayer on my behalf. He reminded me to look to the Lord for strength. I prayed in my heart all day yesterday, but by the end of day I felt just as bad, or worse, than I had been feeling previously.

Today great insight came in that simple question: "Do you pay as much attention to your successes as you do your failures?" I feel that this is what the Lord wants me to ponder. He wants me to be happy.

Today I'm going to take this important question and remind myself all through the day to bask in my successes. I believe that it will foster gratitude for all the good that happens throughout the day and will build the hope in my life that I seem to be lacking.

I'm glad for that quiet moment in my day when I could listen to that still small voice.