Thank you for your prayers. I don't think I've ever cried that hard in my life. Not for anyone or anything.
My sister told me that my mom has ischemic bowel. It in itself is not life threatening, but when added into the mix of a myriad of other health issues, its malevolence increases.
Ischemic bowel, to the best of my understanding, means that part of the colon has become necrotic, or dying. Typically, they would remove the diseased part of the colon with surgery.
But my mother is not a good surgical candidate. She has lupus, congestive heart failure, diabetes, and has been on dialysis since her kidney failed back in the wintertime this year. So she lays in her bed and tries to heal, because that is her only option.
My sister called me this morning and said that she talked with one of the GI docs that she works with (She is a nurse at the hospital my mom is at). He said that with the location of her necrosis she should heal up just fine and beat this thing. How I hope that he is right!
For Mother's Day I wanted to write her a "Thank You" tribute for all of the wonderful things she has done and person she is. With everything going on in my life though, I didn't get it done. So I did it this morning. It is the only thing I regret not doing. I don't want to be like one of the nine lepers who didn't at least say thank you.
My mom is one of a kind. She was doting to the point of irritation. She was concerned to the point of being over-bearing. But you know, that is her. She loves with her whole heart, with every fiber of her being.
So last night when I thought of her dying I broke down and cried harder than I ever have. My eyes are so swollen today that I am wishing for a pair of dark glasses to cover them. I have a day and a list full of wedding plans to be carried out.
I just really wish that she could be there for my son's wedding. This is a first for me that I really want to share with her. I want her in the pictures. I want her to reassure me that everything looked wonderful and went well.
I want her to see my grandbaby. I want to be able to ask her questions about how to be a grandma. I don't want to just learn by her example: I want her to give advise over specific situations.
So please pray for her. If it is God's will, she'll be around for awhile more. How I hope that his will is the same as mine!