Wednesday, April 22, 2009

What I want to be. Now.

I've finally decided what I want to be: a Validator. Someone who validates. Someone who accepts another's beliefs & thoughts to be valid. Because you know what? I am sooooo thankful for the validators in my life!

You bloggy friends are some of my validators. My friends are my validators, too. And lately witih Jared being recently diagnosed, I have met a lady named Debra who is my hero.

Debra is holding my hand as I try to figure out everything from Jared's blood sugar patterns to purchasing the myriad prescriptions for him. She helps me coordinate his care, helping me find a new doctor that will be a better match for us, and guiding me toward a company for prescriptions that will help my costs be lower.

During the first call when her department was asking if I'd like their services and I said yes, the woman said, "Help is on the way.", and I cried. Those words are amazing when you feel so alone.

And today I saw Michael's previous therapist at the grocery store. I talked to her about the new therapist wanting to cast Michael's good hand so that he'll use his hand affected by CP more. I told her I thought it was mean, and she agreed. She told me why she felt it wasn't the best treatment in all cases. And I felt so relieved. Because occassionally there are people in my life who make me doubt myself and my mothering skills.

Jared's current doctor's nurse is one who makes me feel overprotective and irrational. She is constantly reminding me to put more of the responsibility of his diabetes on him. Which I don't understand because he *does* a lot of the treatment of his diabetes. He counts his carbs and figures out his insulin and injects himself. I just supervise. I will double check his math or Steve does, because too much insulin is way to dangerous to not double check it. And I steer him towards more healthful eating. In the visits with her, I take notes because I know Jared won't. He likes to just put the information in his memory; I like the hard copy, if you will.

So this past week I have really questioned myself. I have become angry and teary when I have to talk to them/her. And really, I hate feeling that way.

So thank heavens for Debra, who said that she had felt a pediatric doctor would be best ever since she took on Jared's case. And that she didn't think I was overprotective at all. That she thought it wouldn't be wise to make a 15 year old boy be solely responsible for such an intense treatment disease, especially where he is so new to it. Bless her.

So there you go. I want to be a validator too. I want to help people see that their feelings are valid when they are. And help them feel good about their good choices.

I guess I feel that my "overprotectiveness" is what caught his diabetes so early anyway. My connectedness with my kid(s) is what made me notice when things weren't right. And then my "irrational" determination to figure out what was wrong was what led to putting 2 and 2 together. But instead of a pat on the back with praise for a good deed, I got a pat on the head for overprotectiveness with condescension.

I have known that validation is very important, and I have striven to validate others. But that is what I want to always be: a Validator. The one who will lift those who are feeling uncertain to know that they are doing well. It is a lofty goal, but one I can feel good about.


  1. I'd rather be overprotective any day then the alternative. Many think I'm too over protective of Logan, I just think we are close. As an unschooling mom, it is my job to facilitate his interests and help him see the consequences of his actions, if that makes me over protective, so be it.

  2. I've often felt some of those feelings, but in different circumstances. I question my own judgement and wonder if I am being too protective, etc. As you stated though- being in touch with our kids has helped us to help them when they have needed it the most. For example, knowing my baby needed to go to the hospital- that something wasn't quite right. She needed oxygen right away and was in the hospital for 5 days after. (This was 4 years ago, but I'm glad that I trusted my judgement.)We need to feel confident in ourselves, because we know our children best and with God on our side, we'll do the best we can. Not everyone will agree with our decisions.

    God bless you and I will pray for your family as you deal with these new challenges.

    God's Shining Stars
    Creative and Curious Kids!

  3. Its great how God puts the right people in your path when you need it most.

  4. Melody, your intuition is marvelous and probably saved Jared from serious side effects. You are doing a fantastic job of helping Jared manage this transition. Soon it will be second nature for you both, but during a dangerous time, how wonderful that you are there for him! I know Heavenly Father is there for you, too. This has to be sooo stressful for you. We keep praying and hoping someday soon you can wake up and say, "Wow, life feels normal again."