Thursday, April 23, 2009

Caution: Ranting.

So it happened again. I took Jared to the diabetes clinic again today. And met with the same nurse.

Last night I had to call her because Jared's blood sugar level went down to 46. She dismissed it. It wasn't *that* low. (BTW, he found it low, not because he *felt* low, but because I went against the nurses direction to not test except before breakfast, lunch, dinner, and bedtime, and had him check 2 hours after eating to make sure his dose of insulin was doing exactly what it needed to be doing. He was zoned out watching tv and didn't notice how awful he felt.)

And then today, when she said "So you checked his blood sugar in the middle of the night, I assume, and found that he was still alive." I said, yeah, and then this morning he was going to go to school without eating anything at all until lunch until I found out and made him eat some of his lunch for breakfast and went and bought him a sandwich to replace his lunch. She replied that it is perfectly okay to fast. WTH?? And then pulled out a pamphlet about rules for family and friends of a diabetic which states that he has the right to no one looking over his shoulder at his blood sugar numbers. That unsolicited advice is not welcome. and the list of "rules" of "politeness" went on and on. And she gave it to him, right after I was telling her about this morning's problems!

Then, later on, she told a story of how a girl managed her diabetes just right, and then one day she had enough and ate the entire carton of ice cream in the freezer and didn't adjust her insulin. "And that's okay." she said. To which Steve piped up and told Jared, "What she means is, it isn't okay to eat all of the ice cream and not adjust her insulin, but that she needed to realize that she made a mistake and just move on and do what she should from there." The nurse, without acknowledging Steve said, "It's okay." Again, WTH??

Then another RN/CDE (certified diabetes educator) came in the room and the first nurse told him how she'd given Jared the pamphlet. He (the RN/CDE) then told about this cartoon that he thought was so hilarious. This boy is sitting at the kitchen table and his mother walks in and asks if he's taken his blood sugar. Through gritted teeth the boy said "yes" and she goes on "harassing" him while the boy is disgusted at her. And he said that he loves showing the pediatric kids that cartoon. Then, I'm not sure if he saw my jaw dropped to the ground or what, but he said, "And that just goes to show that if you manage your diabetes correctly, you're mom won't have to (I don't remember the exact word he used) nag you". AGAIN! WTH?????

So then, he said that he needed to manage his own diabetes, and because I'd practiced all day long I piped up (and startled myself, to be honest) and said, "I disagree." He looked at me and said, "Okay. Why?" To which I stated what I've been thinking for the past 2 weeks: Because he is 15! Because I still have to remind him to take a shower, and change his socks and underwear. He is a great kid, very smart, but he is *just* a kid. And he doesn't have to do this alone. Our family is on his team to help him." To which he replied that I am not a player on team. That *he* is the player on the team, and I'm the coach. (which really, has meant nothing. They do not talk to me, they talk to Jared only.) To which I replied, "Right, which means that I *make* the rules and he *follows* the rules." (cheering from the inside of my head right now!!)

I have *never* been treated like this when I've taken a kid to the doctor. At other occasions the docs ask how "mom" is doing and reassure that they understand that this is just as hard on the parents. Not at this place. And I've had it.

I hate the fact that they made me feel so...so...overprotective, and that vigilance is a bad thing. I hate that they encourage rebelliousness. That they portray mothers as something to put up with. It just isn't right.

So, with Debra's help, I'll set up an appointment with a pediatric diabetes doc. Hopefully they will foster healthy family cohesion. Hopefully they won't simply dismiss an idea simply because the mother said it. Hopefully they will teach Jared that if you make a mistake it *is not okay*, but something to be accepted and move on, ready to do better in the future.

Sorry for the rant, but thanks for listening.

7 comments:

  1. Oh Melody...my jaw is just hanging open here. They are completely wrong. COMPLETELY. I am a grown adult and I NEED HELP WITH MY DIABETES. Kids need it even more because their wires in their heads are not completely working yet (sorry, I know that might sound mean to some people, but I have 3 teenagers). They need help! From parents and loved ones. From people who will help them learn to live with it. From people who love them and want to see them still living in another 10 years. ALL of the people you talked with are completely in the wrong. I'm so, so, so sorry for you. It IS a team effort. And your son's team is his family. When I learned about controlling my diabetes, my entire family was educated too. Because when it comes down to it, if you can't expect your own parents/spouse/children to help you out, then who can you count on?? I am so glad you are going to a pediatric doctor now...hopefully he or she will be able to undo some of the damage done today.

    So sorry for you Melody. Please tell your son from me (a person with severe diabetes), that he really does need people on his side, and they are only on his side because they care about him. And that it is a very serious disease indeed.

    And then give yourself a big hug from me.

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  2. One other thing I forgot to say that I wanted to...we all goof up. And true, we have to look at the situation, realize what we did wrong, and move ahead and try not to make the same mistake again. I've messed up my diet plenty of times, and I do realize beating myself over my head won't help the situation any. What was eaten was eaten. Meals skipped were skipped. Nothing you can do about the PAST now. However, it's crucial to learn something from it, because the damage adds up. I was told 2 years ago I would probably not live another year. From messing my body up with diabetes. My organs were barely working, kidneys and liver were in shut-down. It's scary, pretending it won't happen to you, because it does. But there is hope, too. My organs have been repairing themselves, and I am STILL HERE. Hang in there, try to do your best with the diet, try to find the positive if you mess up with your diet, and learn a lesson from it.

    Oh, and by the way, fasting will totally mess you up. The lady who told you that is completely uninformed. All fasting will do is drop already high blood sugar levels so quickly to low numbers, and numbers changing that quickly can lead to a diabetic coma. Be super careful.

    Hang in there Mama. Get yourself educated and your family, and your son. He will need you so much, no matter what those people said today. You are a good Mama. Thank heavens he has you for a Mama instead of one of those lunatics.

    Ha. So there's some ranting of my own!

    I am SO mad at those people. Outraged.

    Ok, gonna go take a few deep breaths. lol. :)

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  3. I'm glad you are going to find a new place to go to. That is inexcusable! A family should work together not be enemies. If I had diabetes I'd want my husband and my son to help me with it. My son would be a great help with reminding me to take my blood sugar levels and insulin etc. And I'd want him to help me. Have you asked your son if he wants your help? That is what should matter the most.

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  4. Don't apologize for the rant! I did one on my blog just a couple of days ago about forgiveness and becoming easily angered. I think it is good to vent and what better way to express yourself than through your writing. I agree with you- fifteen isn't an adult yet. Yes, he needs to take some responsibility, but he shouldn't be at this alone. Isn't part of being a family about serving each other? I like that as a family we all take care of each other when needed. Curious to see how it turns out with the pediatric doctor. Go with your heart! Prayers for you!

    Jen
    God's Shining Stars!

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  5. I hope you can find a new clinic that will help you be a team!

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  6. I'm with the others - finding a doctor/system that doesn't put you on the offensive or make you feel like you are your child's enemy is important - and I can't believe that these people don't treat families that are new to this differently than those that are old hats (should their objective be to empower their patient).
    Geez, people, show a little compassion!

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  7. I would find a new clinic as well!!! Good for you for speaking up!!

    at 15 you are not responsible enough to do things on your own!!! Are they crazy!!!!????

    You rant all you want sister!!!

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