Monday, March 6, 2017

On Conflict

"Indeed, strong reactivity in harsh circumstances is normal. It is not pain translated into reactive positions that is the ultimate danger. Rather, if what is intended to be immediate becomes longstanding, a pattern develops, stubborn in its resistance to change. Strong anxiety will override good sense, commitment to beliefs, clarity, direction, creativity, and response. The system locks itself into its own automatic and defensive processes. In essence, the system chooses immediate security over learning, harmony over transformation, passivity and helplessness over stewardship, disease over change, the elimination of symptoms over altering the reactive processes. It does not trust what is difficult." Peter L. Steinke, "How Your Church Family Works - Understanding Congregations as Emotional Systems"

This is a great, enlightening thought.

I am one who will jump into a discussion, and may even do so passionately and with a high emotional response. I have been taught by how some react that is is "bad" and, honestly, on an emotional level, with people unable to talk through it, it feels bad.

This idea that when you see something is wrong, you recognize it, you name it, you say it and then you work through being "good" is a new idea. It it is typically what I do. Sometimes, it *feels* bad, though. Right now, I'm in the middle of that "badness." It feel so super shitty.

But as I look back at the "moment" and as I look at where I am right now - I think I'm exactly where I need to be. In a deep, dark pile of shit, and, though I hope that I come out smelling like a rose, it will be what it will be.

I, however all of this turns out, will never be the same again.
♥ Melody

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