In the Stars . . .

This post feels heavy to me, but let me lie down on your sofa for a moment - 

My dad's death has felt so differently than my mom that I've felt like I'm grieving all wrong . . . 

My relationship with my dad was a long-distance relationship since the age of 13 when my mom and I moved 6 hours away from my dad. I saw him in the summers when he'd pick me up and take me to his house where he lived with his new family. He'd take a week off of work so we could go to family reunion, but to really spend undivided time together, we didn't, so songs like "Daddy's Hands" by the Judds and other "daddy" songs didn't really bring on a visceral response because it just wasn't our relationship.

"I Love" by  Tom T Hall is the song that I always listened to that reminded me of my dad's soft side, and "I Don't Need Your Rocking Chair" by George Jones reminded me of my dad's spunky nature. I listened to both of those after my dad passed and got a tear in my eye . . . 

But before this past Saturday, (Nov. 16th) I hadn't had a moment where the thought of his dying took the breath out of me. Saturday was our family's Thanksgiving celebration, and my daughter had the grandkids sing, "In the Stars" by Benson Boone because their voices are beautiful and they'd all sung it in her car when it came on the radio and she wanted to have us all hear. While they were singing, I had to leave the dining room - I went to the kitchen and remind myself to breathe. After everyone was gone, I played the song again and the tears flowed.