Friday, November 4, 2016

Pressing on and Pushing forward

I stay away from here a lot nowadays. To be honest, my life has felt very difficult, as of late.

In 2014, Steve came out as an addict. My concerns about addiction from his ongoing pain pill prescriptions from the doc (d@mn negligent doctor(s)!) were confirmed. 

Jessica and Ashton (previously Jared and Emily) came out as transgender.

Josh got divorced. Amber got divorced.

And my own issues with the LDS church and then leaving the fold happened.

My Priest told me that scandal is another name for a stumbling block, and boy has my life been full of them. 

Now, on the flip side, Steve is in recovery.

Jessica and Ashton are in group therapy, navigating their way through prejudices and change.

Josh is remarried to a sweet lady that I love.

Karen is engaged to a great guy who is good to my grandbabies.

Amber is expecting and is engaged to a wonderful guy.

Tino has found a lady that he loves.

And I have found a safe home in the Episcopal Church.

Life happens. Then life happens with those life happenings.

I can't always be forthcoming with the "stuff" in my life as I have been because most of the time it involves another person's in my life stuff. That is hard for me.

I am working as an office administrator at my church. My babysitter, Ashton, quit and is now moving to Washington State, so Michael goes to work with me. He loves people and loves to tease them by getting their noses. Most people love Michael and get his nose right back! :) It is a tricky situation, but I very much feel that I need to stay in permanent retirement from being a stay at home mom - too bad there's no retirement program for stay at home moms; I put in 25 years.

I am in the process of going back to college. Though it makes me nervous to go back to school at 46, I have always admired people who go back to school when they are even older than that (I keep reminding myself... ;) ) I am working toward an associates degree in Early Childhood Education. There is no money in it, and to be honest I keep thinking that I should go into something that actually pays a decent salary... but I can't turn away from this. I've tried! And I keep being nudged back to it. 

I have no idea what I'll get my bachelor's in - it will probably present itself after I finish the first step. What a surprise it will be! (Have I ever mentioned that I detest surprises? ;) )

Life is: fine. busy. exhausting at times. But I have life. Being on this side of the ground looking down always makes the day better. 

That I have survived many heartbreaks in the past few years. 
That Steve's & my marriage is still intact. 
That Karen and Josh and Amber and Tino have all found someone that they love. 
That Steve is clean and sober. 
That Jessica has navigated through one full year of presenting as a woman and is still very pleased with that choice. 
That Ashton is still alive and still looking for solutions and possibilities to make her life better. 
That I have a job that I love. 
That Matthew is 16 and is learning to adult very well - he bought a car within his income level and price range; he pays for his own insurance, for registration, for fixes to his car ALL ON HIS OWN. He registered his car all by himself, too. He is doing so well!
That Michael is getting better everyday at getting up and getting ready to go to work with me - "Hi ho, hi ho!"
That I can still see and express things to be grateful for. 

I hope that all is well with you!
♥ Melody

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