From "A Significant Moment::September 8"
I'll be talking in the future about why this moment was significant to me. It is a moment that induces melancholy because things will be changing a bit for our family, and change is something that is difficult for me and my heart.
picture taken from my kitchen window
This is the message that my 21 year old son put on his facebook wall yesterday:
"So this Is the kind of post I've had to make it seems like a million times in real life but hopefully I can make one more here and people will know. I am transgendered. That means I was born a boy but I have always identified as a girl. I've been seeing a therapist for about 6 months now and he has been a huge help. Now to answer some commonly asked questions yes me and Ruth are still staying together. I told her about this a long time before we got married. Yes I will be dressing like a girl from now on. Yes I am using medical avenues as well to transition to being a woman. I love all of you wonderful facebook people tons and tons. I hope that this isn't something that hurts your feelings or causes you distress. But even if it does I've been worried what others think for way to long. I need this out there. You probably wont see me using this account anymore. If you have questions about my new FB account and wanted me to add you please send me a private message and I will review it. I love you all and hope we can still be friends."
Now, for the rest of the story:
When Jared was about 14, he came to Steve and me and said that he felt like he was transgender. At the time, I had no idea what that meant. As I googled it, my heart fell - life is hard enough without added complications, and I felt like this was a huge complication.
We talked about it, and I told him my fears and concerns, probably not in a very gentle way - this is not an easy thing for a mother to hear, especially this mother. I am a mother lion. I protect my young. To have my young put themselves in a scary situation makes me react in a harsh way - not too much different from a mother lion striking her child with her paw to teach them things that keep them safe. Only, I used words...
He stopped talking about it, and he didn't mention anything more until he was 18. He said that he'd been feeling more and more that he wasn't really a male, and he wanted to "come out". He told his siblings, too, this time. I still didn't react well. By now, I had discovered that my fears were valid: violence against transgendered people is high...
He dusted it back under the rug.
Last October, he married Ruth and this feeling has again returned, and he is going forward this time. Thankfully, he had talked to Ruth about it before they were married, and she had been very accepting back then, and now, she is very encouraging that he be who he feels that he needs to be.
I know that this is a huge shock to all of you who have known "Jared" - it has been to me too. I don't expect anyone to truly understand - I certainly don't fully understand it, and I don't think anyone truly does unless it is another transgender person.
I do hope that you will be accepting though. That you will love HER regardless of what your personal feelings or understanding is.
She will go by the name Jessica. She and Ruth's marriage is still strong, and Ruth is very supportive of her wife.
Though I don't have all of the answers, if you have questions, I will be happy to try to answer - please keep comments respectful.