Sunday, September 13, 2015

Answers::September 13

From "A Significant Moment::September 8"

picture taken from my kitchen window
I'll be talking in the future about why this moment was significant to me. It is a moment that induces melancholy because things will be changing a bit for our family, and change is something that is difficult for me and my heart.
♥ Melody

Answers::September 13

This is the message that my 21 year old son put on his facebook wall yesterday:

"So this Is the kind of post I've had to make it seems like a million times in real life but hopefully I can make one more here and people will know. I am transgendered. That means I was born a boy but I have always identified as a girl. I've been seeing a therapist for about 6 months now and he has been a huge help. Now to answer some commonly asked questions yes me and Ruth are still staying together. I told her about this a long time before we got married. Yes I will be dressing like a girl from now on. Yes I am using medical avenues as well to transition to being a woman. I love all of you wonderful facebook people tons and tons. I hope that this isn't something that hurts your feelings or causes you distress. But even if it does I've been worried what others think for way to long. I need this out there. You probably wont see me using this account anymore. If you have questions about my new FB account and wanted me to add you please send me a private message and I will review it. I love you all and hope we can still be friends."

pic taken from my window - after work, 1st day presenting as Jessica

Now, for the rest of the story:

When Jared was about 14, he came to Steve and me and said that he felt like he was transgender. At the time, I had no idea what that meant. As I googled it, my heart fell - life is hard enough without added complications, and I felt like this was a huge complication.

We talked about it, and I told him my fears and concerns, probably not in a very gentle way - this is not an easy thing for a mother to hear, especially this mother. I am a mother lion. I protect my young. To have my young put themselves in a scary situation makes me react in a harsh way - not too much different from a mother lion striking her child with her paw to teach them things that keep them safe. Only, I used words...

He stopped talking about it, and he didn't mention anything more until he was 18. He said that he'd been feeling more and more that he wasn't really a male, and he wanted to "come out". He told his siblings, too, this time. I still didn't react well. By now, I had discovered that my fears were valid: violence against transgendered people is high...

He dusted it back under the rug.

Last October, he married Ruth and this feeling has again returned, and he is going forward this time. Thankfully, he had talked to Ruth about it before they were married, and she had been very accepting back then, and now, she is very encouraging that he be who he feels that he needs to be.

I know that this is a huge shock to all of you who have known "Jared" - it has been to me too. I don't expect anyone to truly understand - I certainly don't fully understand it, and I don't think anyone truly does unless it is another transgender person.

I do hope that you will be accepting though. That you will love HER regardless of what your personal feelings or understanding is.

She will go by the name Jessica. She and Ruth's marriage is still strong, and Ruth is very supportive of her wife.

Though I don't have all of the answers, if you have questions, I will be happy to try to answer - please keep comments respectful.

Jessica, as she is now.
♥ Melody


  1. Dear Melody,
    Of course I clicked on your link as soon as you posted on the family blog. I have not commented because I didn’t know what to say. I still don’t know what to say exactly. But I feel that you need to know that while I agree with the Church’s stand on these things, it does not change how I love you all so very much and always will. I still pray every day for the Lord to bless each one in your family, the same as I do with all my children. I thank the Lord every day for Steve’s job and pray that your house and your cars will hold up, and that you will all be protected as you drive. I pray for your health and Steve’s. I pray that Josh and Hayley will find a house nearby. All these things and more I pray for and will keep praying. I love you all very much.

    1. Thank you for your prayers and love ♥ Thank you for your message. I appreciate it very much.
      ♥ Melody